A Forever Love Story

My sweet uncle Allen passed away this past Tuesday. A couple months ago I posted about the death of my aunt Lisa - Allen is her husband. They are saying he died of a heart attack, and so I'm wondering if it truly is possible to die of a broken heart. Lisa was the love of his life and he really had no one else in the world who would ever bring him fulfillment and life the way she did. He was always the man who cared so much about everyone and wanted them to know they had a place with him always. He didn't have much to give but he had plenty of love and that was always enough for me. I went back and read some of the exchanges we had on Facebook this past weekend and cried because now I wish I would've tried harder to let him know how much he was loved. He believed no one else could love him and that he was alone. That's what breaks my heart about his death. That he died alone, emotionally and physically. 

What keeps my heart filled with joy is knowing he is with Lisa and now he doesn't have to worry about anything. I can only imagine the reunion they had when he went home. The love story continues. 

^ Allen and Lisa. 

Rest in peace. Love you uncle Allen :) 

I want a raise.

I just realized I'm extremely underpaid for how much of a workload I have. Like many other housewives/moms out there, I put in way more than 40 hours a week at the office. On top of overtime AT the office, I go directly to a 2nd job right after I'm done there. 

Job responsibilities include:

Walking the dogs 

Dishes

Cleaning up after the other human I live with 

Shampooing carpets

Sorting and throwing away stacked mail

Dusting my BLACK furniture. If you've ever had black furniture you know why I capitalized black. 

Laundry 

Folding laundry 

Litter box

Trash

Feeding and watering animals

Other misc duties. 

Occasionally someone might fill in for me on one or two of the duties, but it's rare and doesn't come without some sort of begging. Granted the other human does the cooking, but no cleaning up after himself. Ever. Anytime. My workload > than his ANYTIME. 

I hate that job! But I can't quit. And the worst part? I can't even stay behind it long enough to enjoy it. And I don't even have kids!! 

I don't suppose it would be so bad if I had a willing assistant. Maybe I should get a maid? But then I have to pay her. WHY ISNT ANYONE PAYING ME!?

Let's talk about my emotional workload. I have a husband who I love, and that's easy. Never a chore. But then I have a crazy family who is constantly texting me and dumping all their problems on me. No, they're not venting. It's a constant complaining or "come fix my problems" type of thing. Sad part is they know ill never say no, and I'm too emotionally invested in them to not care when they need something. 

I wish I could do my volunteer work I used to do. AKA THE GYM. but my time is limited, and when I do have time, there's something at my 2nd job at home that needs to be done. 

I'm not trying to bitch and moan. But when I come home today after working a 12 hour shift, workout, and make sure all is tidy before bed.....last thing I want to do is clean up after the dogs. Or clean up after the cat. But I can't relax until it's done. My cohabitating partner has no problem with it tho. Maybe I'll ask him how he does it. How does he not care? Is it because he knows ill do it? I'm tired damnit I WANT TO GO TO BED! 

Like I said, I KNOW there are other mommies and wives out there who's workload is far heavier than mine. Do you think they have a drinking problem?, 

My other question is.....

 When the fuck do I get to clock out!?! 

Something good in everyday

Yesterday we went to the Crazy Corn Maze!! Alex suggested that he and I just go but I can never feel completely comfortable going out for something like this without Arianna with us. 

When we got there the first thing she saw  was the ponies that you could ride! I told her we could ride a pony after we did the maze and she was good with that surprisingly. Well we got about 5 min into the maze and that's when the meltdowns started. "WE'RE LOST!!" over and over again, throwing herself on the ground, crying over broken corn, just your typical melt down. I could get her to calm down for 3-4 min at a time if I told her we were looking for treasure and handed her the map. If that didn't work the pony ride was the next best incentive. It worked too. Not gonna lie the end of the maze couldn't come fast enough for her or me!! She was happy to get her first pony ride. And said yeehaw more times than I can remember :) 

The sad part is the effects of the meltdown lasted the rest of the day. We went to dinner with Cody and Tasha who she loves and was completely overstimulated the whole time. She wasn't necessarily having a meltdown at the restaurant but she was jumping on her seat, threw her drink, dumped fry sauce out intentionally, and so on. She had a game on my phone that kept her semi preoccupied but there was just too much going on in the restaurant for her to really stay focused on it for long. Like i said she wasn't being horrible at the restaurant just a little too rowdy. She and I left early and waited for Alex in the car while he paid, and she didn't like that and cried the whole way home. 

Once we got to our house she found her iPad and sat down. I'm thinking whew maybe she will do some self soothing. Nope. That's when miss drama queen came out full force. Crying over the darkness of the iPad, crying because the dog was on her blanket, crying because she didn't want to poop in the potty. I got really short with Alex because I was frustrated and I felt bad but I can honestly say ariannas behavior was really getting to me. That never happens I'm usually pretty calm and stuff with her but last night I was just over it and got really frustrated. I hate that I was so overwhelmed and frustrated with her behavior. I feel like a bad caregiver when I get mad at her because I know a lot of it she doesn't do on purpose. I don't know what was so off about yesterday. We just put on a movie and layed down and went to bed shortly after all that. 

She woke up this morning at about 830 and was happy as a clam :) 

I posted this pic of her on Ariannas Army instagram and said "I wish there had been more smiles like this yesterday. I know that not everyday is going to be good, but at least there is something good in everyday."  Bad days are gonna happen not just for Arianna but for me too. And that's okay! 

Xo 

I crave a different kind of buzz...

Ok the past three weekends have been FAR better than any weekend I've had the past year. That includes when I went to Disneyland in May! I need to give a full breakdown of this for sure. 

I went to rangely,co to see my sister, niece and nephew 3 weekends ago. 

My niece Vanessa who is 14yo TODAY (happy birthday!) is super athletic. Don't know where she got it but she excels at every sport. It's amazing! I finally watched her play volleyball and omg what a great experience to see it. 

I played volleyball the weekend before with some co workers....ill just say these 8th graders made us look SO stupid!! These girls ROCK! They went on to win the championship last weekend...but I unfortunately wasn't there. I know all these girls will do great things but Vanessa is just so freakin cool I can't help but brag all day about her. My sweet little 11yo man Clarence is playing touch football and we were able to watch him play a little bit of one of his games too that same weekend. Little dude is such a football fanatic. Is in love with the 49ers (which he got from his fav uncle Alex!) and is super diehard about his fantasy football team. So cute listening to him talk about his 'picks' and if everyone else did theirs for that week. We started calling him 'The Mayor' too, because we went to dinner at a local restaurant in rangely and he knew EVERYONE! It was so funny! The place was packed and he knew at least one person at every table. Alex joked and said "you're like the mayor, you know everyone!" So we called him mayor all weekend. Such a fun time with them. I miss them so much!!

Same weekend, we went camping with Alex's mom just outside of rangely. Was good to see her and how she's been doing since she left slc to travel around utah and Colorado! we fished, drank, hiked, camped, and roasted fish heads. Vanessa and Clarence came with is the first day for a while and fished. The 3 of us got lazy and decided to sit in the hammock with sleeping bags (because did I mention it's monsoon season and FREEZING in CO?). We laughed and joked around but all three of us ended up falling asleep in the hammock all cuddled up together. Maybe 15 min, but was so sweet and fun to hang with my two first favorite people of my life :) 

After Alex and I hiked, I came back to camp and skinned and gutted a fish. Yep. Me. With my hands. Wasn't much left of him because I got a little crazy making sure his innards were out. But I can def say if I ever get stranded on an island I know how to gut a fish! 

Top left corner. Fish eggs!!!! Or, escargot as fancy people call it. EWWW!!!!!! Bottom right is the fish head I ended up roasting. I didn't make his tongue do that. It just happened as I was gutting him. Poor guy. 

Lookin like I gotta pee in the side pic. Oh weeelllll. This was our hike :) 

The next weekend!!! We went to Oktoberfest at snowbird. Again, cold. I don't do cold!!! EVVVVERRR!! It was fun tho. We took the tram up 11,000 feet to the top of snowbird mountain. We could see heber and salt lake from the tip top!! SO COOL!! I wondered the whole tram ride up tho what would happen if the tram fell. I wondered if I held my body in a strategically placed position the whole time if id be safe if we fell. Surely I wouldn't, but it made me feel a little better?? Haha!!! 

What a cutie pie I have. I know.

The next day I pumpkin painted with Arianna!!!! It was a super lazy day. I think all we did was paint pumpkins and sit on the couch and watch tv and play games on iPad. Not too bad if you ask me!! 

Here is her pumpkin experience 

 

So perfect right??

Arianna has also been skyping her bio mom the last few weekends. Been great for both of them :) Arianna likes talking to her and stays pretty engaged the whole time. She knows her as amanda, but that's it. She was so young when she left so that's what it'll have to stay for now. But I like to think she remembers amanda :) 

This last weekend was filled with witches and witches and monsters and roller coasters!! 

Friday night I went with some work friends to witches night out at gardener village. Was so fun. However there were some total bros there - sooo out of place. I said that I think they got confused and heard it was 'bitches night out' not witches....yikezzzz awkies! Was fun seeing my friends and some old ones I lost touch with :)

Came home in time to watch the dodgers in the 8th inning and lose in the 13th. This NLCS will be the death of me. They won today tho, so series is 3-2. BEST OF 7. 

Oh yeah I took a pic with spider man. I think he has a chubby in this pic don't you?! Also, I totally DIY'd this witch hat. So crafty. I know. 

Sunday Arianna Alex And I went to lagoon FRIGHTMARES!!! With Jessi and her family. It was so fun arianna loves bryndee and Brighton. She also has a huge fascination lately with roller coasters so lagoon was a perfect day out for her. We got rained out but had a good 3 hours riding rides and going through haunt houses and haystack mazes. She's so cool and did amazing!! Mom has been moving this week so it was good to get baby girl out for some fun with her friends. 

Arianna is the bee in the pic above. She kept looking down because she wanted to see what animal she was. So precious!!!

On an unrelated weekend note.....

Last weekend arianna broke barbies arm in half. I took it tonight from her house and told her id take Barbie to the dr. 

It's like I was crafting. But a Barbie cast!!!

Then get this next pic... I facetimed Arianna after I fixed it and showed her barbies new cast. And her smile (chocolate covered) was priceless!!!

My life can't be any better. I am the happiest girl alive!!!

Life and Death

Last night my sweet aunt Lisa was called home by The Lord. Very unexpected (but death never is), and so as anyone can imagine my mom is taking the death of her baby sister pretty hard. Lisa was a kind, loving, southern belle, charming woman who could infect anyone with her laughter and love of life. I was speeding down the freeway to my moms going much faster than I should have been last night after I heard the news, and I could hear her like a little jiminey cricket on my shoulder, "Anna Kaye you slow down right now!!" :) I smiled because I know she can give a stiff talkin to when needed. 

Something very eye opening happened once I got to my moms...I saw lights on, so I knew someone was up. When I saw my mom I could tell immediately she knew what had happened. She froze and cried. At a loss for words we sat on the couch and I just held her as she sobbed. I've never felt such an overwhelming need to hold my moms head and kiss her forehead telling her it will be ok. We haven't had that kind of relationship in years. But it was interesting to me how easily it came for me to comfort her. It got me thinking about how as you get older the parental/child role can switch. 

A very beautiful thing happened not even 24 hours later. My baby niece, Jazmine Kaylee Hill, was born!! 

Life is funny like that sometimes. One angel called home, and another angel is born. So amazing. 

God is so great 

Lisa top right 

Lovesick

“Some people live their lives as if each day will be their last. Some approach love the same way, in a desperate attempt to outrun the tiny changes

or huge ones that are always looming on each of our horizons. But the sense of urgency that comes from wanting to experience life and love to the

fullest can force decisions that are not always in your best interests or anyone else's, for that matter. In fact, sometimes facing the consequences of

your choices can be even worse than death. You may live only once, but you don't necessarily want it to feel like forever.” 

My take on 'Something Like Olivia'.

John Mayer put it out there a few months ago for fans to make a video for his song, 'Something like Olivia'. I mowed over the thought of how if i made a video and what it would be like. I don't think a typical 'man wishing he was with a taken woman' angle would be original at all. So my mind went here....and it became fun :) and now every time I hear this song I grin because I know what I imply the song to be meaning. 

I imagine a guy obsessing over a girl he "cannot" have because she is taken. 

But she is in fact stalking him without him knowing. So while he thinks of ways to get her to notice him, she secretly watches him leave his place a couple times a week to see where he goes so she can casually show up there at the same time. Causing him to become more obsessed with her.

Creepy right? I like creepy. 

http://youtu.be/izkqPdVAdL4