38 Weeks and Feeling....

Third trimester has been a beast. I feel like I got REALLY pregnant at 30 weeks.  

Things are good - I do not have pre-eclampsia, just high blood pressure. Amniotic fluid was low at last weeks appointment, but went up significantly at this weeks appointment. Even though I want him here so bad, I don't want it to be because of health issues (did I say that in the last post?).  I want him to come when he's ready. I just want him to be ready, like...yesterday.

Anyway, I have done nothing but complain about how miserable I am the last few weeks. Yes, I am miserable, in pain, and cry everyday...but I know that this is an experience that has an ending with the most ultimate prize, and I really do understand that it's something to be grateful for. And I truly am. 

Even though typing that right now makes me cringe. 

I wanted to write out things I will miss, and things I will not miss about being pregnant.

Things I Will Not Miss

1. Having to pee 6 times during the night
2. Leg cramps that have made me fall out of bed, and cry out in desperation for them to stop
3. The pelvic pressure pain...oh I will NOT miss the pelvic pain
4. Walking like a t-rex everywhere I go
5. Having people tell me how "cute" my t-rex waddle is
6. Only having 6 shirts, and 3 pairs of pants that fit me
7. Needing help up off the couch, and getting out of bed
8. Toothpaste on the shirt
9. Walking past a mirror and (depending on my mood) having it ruin my day because I'm so huge
10. Waiting...forever waiting

Things I Will Miss

1. Knowing my baby is safe and sound inside my belly
2. Empathy from my friends and family regarding the things I will not miss
3. Being able to say "but, I'm pregnant..." to get out of things 
4. Sleeping whenever I want...zZzZzZ
5. Feeling my active baby wiggle and do backflips 
6. Planning/Nesting
7. Ice cream at 1am
8. My sweet husband reaching over while we are in the car, or laying in bed and rubbing or touching my belly
9. Mommy-to-be parking
10. Being able to blame 'pregnancy brain'

Each list could be longer.....but ya know, typing out each list makes me not feel so bad for myself anymore. I am a very self sufficient girl, and I don't like having other people do things for me...so feeling so pathetic that I can't even get out of bed without asking for help has been hard. But also humbling! So even the bad things have a silver lining. 

I have so much respect for women. If you asked me right now if I would ever get pregnant again I would tell you HELL NO, because of how hard this last trimester has been. 

I'm sure that after he is here, in my arms, I will forget all about the 'Things I Will Not Miss' list. 

I bet that it's something like the Men In Black will come out of no where and do the red flash pen in front of my eyes and I will forget all about the last 9 months, and I'll do it all over again in a few years. 

I can't wait for the sweet surreal feeling of holding our sweet baby...

I'm so impatient, but I know he will be worth the wait.

Moments.

We've just got a few more weeks until our little Cooper will make his grand entrance into our lives forever. 

My doctor appointment last week I was showing signs of preeclampsia. High blood pressure and protein in my urine. My doctor is wonderful and will do an ultrasound next week to see where we are, and if my symptoms are still there they will do other tests and see if they need to induce. As much as I want my little man here, I want it to be on his time and when he's ready. Not because of complications. I'm hoping my symptoms disappear and he will just come when he's ready. 

My hormones have been out of control the last few weeks. I cried over Christmas songs, gifts, news articles, when I yell at the dogs, and just about everything else.  But I just wanted to write about something that really got my tears flowing today. 

From the time in my pregnancy where I started to feel movement I have always wanted Alex to feel. He has felt Cooper move just a handful of times, and more recently he can actually see my stomach moving if we are sitting on the couch or something. He felt him have the hiccups the other day and he just laughed because it was so funny. I've loved it when he feels him. It's just about as real as it gets for him until Cooper actually gets here, and so it's just been very meaningful and important to me to have him experience feeling him from time to time. 

This morning I was giving Alex a ride to work and he said to me, "I was weird last night while you were sleeping. I just touched your belly for about 45 minutes."

He said Cooper was moving like crazy, and he just laid there and felt him. Not even weird! I don't like crying in front of Alex because I've been doing it so much, but after I dropped him off I lost it.  It was a moment I wish I had been awake for, but it was so special to me to feel like he just had a moment with Cooper. Just daddy and son. No prompting by me, no feeling of disappointment if he stopped moving. Just Alex being present in that moment and taking that in is such a sweet thought to me. I can't even explain it. 

I've always felt so safe with this man and I know there's nothing in the world he wouldn't do for me. He is going to be the best daddy ever. I never had any doubts. But it's moments like that that remind me of how lucky I am. And how lucky Cooper is. 

I love my boys so much.