Never ready.

A few weeks ago we found out we are expecting our first baby. 

I never thought we would get to this point. We waited forever until we were "ready", but the truth is...I don't think anyone is ever ready. 

I wasn't ready to feel 10,000 emotions when I saw the positive pregnancy test. 

I wasn't ready to be in compete disbelief thinking nothing this amazing could ever happen to me. 

I wasn't ready to worry at every symptom, and lack of symptoms. 

I wasn't ready to constantly wonder if this baby is okay. 

When Alex and I went into our first appointment yesterday, 9 weeks, I braced myself for anything. The dr couldn't find a heartbeat with the Doppler. Which is normal when you're so early. She said they would see me again in 4 weeks and check again. 

My heart sank. How am I going to survive another 4 weeks without knowing if our baby is okay? Are all first time moms this paranoid? 

I asked her, "how do you know if something is wrong?" She said well you would bleed. I said,"well what if I don't? What if it just stopped growing? And I have to wait another month to find that out? Can't I just find out now?" 

....she says "fine we will get you an ultrasound."  

Yay! That's what I thought the first apt was for! Of course in a world where drs and hospitals are trying to keep healthcare costs low, she probably didn't want to do something unnecessary. Apparently my lack of symptoms was enough to warrant an ultrasound this early. 

Alex and I sat there, he held my hand. The ultrasound tech, of course super desensitized to how amazing this was for us, just said yep there's your baby moving around just fine. She moved the wand around really fast so it was hard to tell if it was moving but I took her word for it. 

What happened next I hope I'll remember for the rest of my life. She said "there's the heartbeat". Little lines going up and down on the screen really fast. Then she turned a knob on the machine, and we heard it. 

Our babies heartbeat. 

I started crying. Laughing. And crying. 

I looked over to Alex, and he was crying too. 

This is our baby. We certainly weren't prepared or ready to love something so much already. 

So when they say you're never ready, they're so right. 

I can't wait for the next 7 months and months and years after. It's so surreal that it's finally our turn. Our whole relationship of 10 years we've watched this exciting thing happen to so many other people. But this is our time. 

I've never been more in love with Alex, and I can't wait to see what an amazing daddy he will be. 

Forever starts now. 

Monopoly

I'm so mad when I try to create usernames that are already taken. Is it so bad that I just want my instagram and twitter name to just say annakaye? No digits, no symbols. "Sorry, that username is already registered." Is what I get blocked with!! "May we suggest annakaye_01 anna_kaye1988 ?

No. I want annakaye. I've even started recruiting people to report the accounts a spam in hopes their account would get deleted so I could take the name!! Who does that? So I've started downloading every new social media app, even though it's not a thing right now, and registering my name. Then I delete the app until it becomes popular. I just don't know what apps are up and coming so I am registering on all sorts of apps. My latest is Keek. I don't know what this is, BUT when I do decide to use it, my user name is annakaye. Suck it social media. 

10 years gone by

All day I have been thinking of all the memories I've made with Alex over the last ten years. Ten years to the day this man became a permanent part in my life. Our 2nd date was the date that will stay with me forever! 

We had gone to pick up stuff to make cookies at his house. I'd been looking forward to it all week! It had been 1 week since our first date, and before he took me home from the bake date he made his move by asking if I'd be his girlfriend (it was highschool ok? Lol). 

Alex was so different from any other boy at school. He was into my kind of music, got my humor, had a compassionate heart, and oh my gosh could he make me laugh. He was the kid who could talk logic to our adult teachers and make them walk away thinking wtf did this kid just pull on me?! He had the life, rebellion, and the confidence to do everything I wished I could do. 

He used to park in the teachers parking lot. As an adult, that's like the equivalent to parking in a police parking only spot. He was busted. A few times. Got a ticket. A few times. Trivial things like that didn't shake him. It wasn't that he had no consequences, it's just that he knew there were bigger things in life to fret about. It seems small but it's things like that that helped me find a calm in my chaotic upbringing. 

He's done more for me than anyone will ever know. He grew up with me and let me have my times when I needed to find myself. It always comes back to you, Alex. :) 

Luckiest life I live. 

Good pizza vs bad pizza

Ok we've ordered pizza twice this week. Long days at work + being sick = it happens. 

Well we got a really shitty stuffed crust from Pizza Hut the other day....and don't worry I complained. Surely a free breadstick is coming my way. But tonight we ordered dominoes online. They have a section of the ordering where you can leave special instructions (leave on doorstep, pepperoni in hearts, call if lost, etc.). Well my cute husband left the instructions "don't ring doorbell. Draw giraffe on box." 

Well damn....they know how to follow instructions. Now that's good quality pizza AND customer service. 

Dominoes > Pizza Hut

2014

2014, you've got some big shoes to fill. I started an amazing job with SelectHealth where I've met SO many incredible people who have changed my life for the better. Arianna and her new friend Lauren went viral with the broken cheeseburger, and landed them on media outlets like good morning america, today show, glen beck, and hundreds of other media outlets. That inspired Chili's to host a giveback night where they donated 20% of funds to the Autism Council of Utah. Alex took me to Disneyland for the first time, AND took me to my first MLB game to watch my fav team, the DODGERS! I was lucky enough to spend another incredible summer with some old and new friends at Spring Mobile Ballpark working for the Salt Lake Bees. The Bees hosted an Autism Speaks night where they donated portions of ticket sales to Autism Speaks, and I was so happy to be a part of it!! My smart, dedicated, driven husband earned a great promotion at work which had a huge positive impact

on him and our future plans. My momma had brain surgery and despite the ups and downs she is recovering so well and I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas gift than to have her home. And I also got to see and spend time with my oldest brother Brent who I haven't seen in a few years. Just some highlights of an AMAZING year. 2014 will be just as incredible and filled with blessings. Just you wait and see :)

Speaking of irony...

Paul walker died last weekend in a car accident. Heartbroken...

But I started thinking this morning that I want to die with some sort of irony like that. 

John Denver did the same thing. Leaving on a jet plane and never coming back. Literally, he did that. 

What a cool way to go out with such irony?! 

Now listening to : Ironic by alanis morrisette 

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
Well, isn't this nice
And isn't it ironic
Don't you think?

Music to my ears

I'm listening to so much music lately. Really listening to it! Something about listening to songs through earphones while relaxing is so meditating for me. I usually only listen when I'm working out or getting ready in the morning.

It's interesting how much more I enjoy it when I'm just relaxing. Never Coldplay though. Never ever. 

I'm loving Sunny and 75 by Joe Nichols - like I have probably listened to it 12 times today. And the irony is that it's been snowing like a mother fucker all day. I'm in denial. Clearly.

Speaking of irony....