Time has not been "flying" as everyone has promised me. However, I am almost 32 weeks pregnant now and am so anxious to meet our little boy.
I have had dreams of him lately, and when I wake up I have the saddest little cloud over my head because I am now awake and miss seeing him in my dreams. He kicks and rolls around in my belly though, to let me know he's not far at all :)
I had two baby showers. One my coworkers threw for me, and one for my family and other friends. They were both so amazing! I am so lucky to have such sweet coworkers, friends, and family to spoil me.
We went and had our 3d ultrasound a couple weeks ago. We were there a total of 10 minutes before Cooper totally flipped and turned toward my spine so there was no chance of getting a shot of his face. We managed to get a couple, and then went back the next week and got a few more.
I can't explain the feeling when I saw his face pop up on the screen. It was similar to when we first heard his little heartbeat. But this was so real. Seeing his face. His nose. His cheeks!! He's a person. And he's our person. I can't tell who he looks like because he's all squishy, but I can tell he has his daddy's cheeks. I've never been so in love. The ultrasound tech even says.....that he has HAIR!!!! I have been so stressed about him having hair. It's really stupid haha.
My whole first trimester I wondered how I would ever bond with this baby. Or if I would ever be excited about him. I was so scared to love him because I was terrified that something would go wrong. I didn't want to be disappointed or sad so it seemed easier to not be excited. Things changed when I saw his heartbeat. But I think I felt the most attached and in love when I felt him start moving. I know what I feel is probably normal. But at the time I had so much guilt for not being as excited as I thought I should be. All because I was so scared.
Looking back at the last 20 weeks or so, there's never been a sad or disappointing moment. Cooper could never do anything to disappoint me at this point. Even if things hadn't gone as well as they have been going. What a blessing being pregnant has been. What an honor that I get to be his mommy. Yeah, I can't wait to hold him in my arms, but I don't need him to be here for me to be completely smitten and in love. The next 8 weeks couldn't go by fast enough for me. But I keep my eye on the prize. I know he will be worth the wait.
Cooper James. I love you. I'll see you soon baby boy.
